Green Hitherto, Manifesto [English]

¿y qué es lo que vas a decir?

voy a decir solamente algo

¿y qué es lo que vas a hacer?

voy a ocultarme en el lenguaje

¿y por qué?

tengo miedo

- Alejandra Pizarnik

I have been lying on this silent rug of sadness for so many days, hitherto. Looking for reasons to make her worth it, to read her company understandable, to -by means of her- forge any shield against outside batterings, I allowed my Weakness grow until it reached the very pinnacle of my desires' sphere, and I witnessed -tearfully- that turbid moment when she, assisted by me, chained them all, shouting how ordinary they were; condemning them to orphanhood.
Once I gave up before her, she took me into the air to plow the veils of the Sublime and Ethereal, but even as I moistened my lips in ambrosy and rejoiced my tongue in nectar, I was still dissatisfied remembering the modest but intense flavors I barely sniffed that short time I had spent living amongst them -the rest, as she calls them- from whom she always tried to differentiate me.
After having fitted myself, my existence, in hurtful allegories, she lead me towards Hesperides-alike-regions where I could have been fortunate, but my heart remained beating as a human's, dreaming as a human's... My blood was still gallopping sturdly...
Once I had lost every opportunity to ticken my skin, because her zealously desire to make me well almost mummified me -hopes were all famished and ambitions were fading abulic-, I could hardly survive the Insanity-Stricken-Sun-of-Nowadays without her narcisistic cage of mirrors, although I was already becoming invisible...
But, then, I decided not to escape life by daydreaming on ideals, not to fear death and ugliness and, thus, welcomed scarves and scrapings by living in the mud... I am back, I am here!
I have been lying on you for so many days, on my tears... I let you soften, almost tame my fierce and anger, I permitted you to sedate my tongue with English and snow. Sleep tight, sleep tight, she used to calm me down, while the laudanum's smell tried to assassinate in me in any sign of resistence........................................................................¡NUNCA MÁS!